Speaking with coaches about more playing time is never easy. It requires a thoughtful and respectful approach and it should always come from the player, not the parent. There are other topics that may need intervention from others, but playing time shouldn't be one of them. If you are playing for a non-recreation program, playing time should be earned and not expected. As long as you go into the conversation understanding that, it should be a productive discussion that helps you to better understand the steps necessary to see a positive outcome.
Let's start with a conversation you need to have with yourself: Be honest with yourself about why you may not be playing as much as you desire. Are you deserving of additional playing time? Do you put in the work outside of practice and gametime? Are you a positive teammate who cheers for others when you are not playing? Do you give 100% in practice without complaining? Do you consistently perform when you do get playing time?
If you answered No to any of the above questions, you aren't ready to have that conversation with your Coach. The good news is that not all hope is lost. If you are being truly honest with yourself and you answered "no" to any of the above questions, then you already know what you have to do first before having that difficult conversation. Start doing the positive things right away and see if there is even a need for the conversation. Your playing time may be a direct reflection of your current behavior. That, my friend, is fixable.
So what happens when you are doing all the right things and you still aren't getting playing time? You are a great teammate, you work hard, you never complain and you perform when you do get the chance to play. So why aren't you being given the opportunity to play more? This is a scenario that requires you to have a conversation with your Coach. Coaches should be willing and able to have this conversation with their players. If a Coach refuses to talk to you about it under any circumstances, then they may not be the right Coach for you. That is when you need to speak with your family about it and decide if that Coach and team are right for you. This should be an extremely rare circumstance, because the majority of Coaches who are in it for the right reason are more than willing to have a positive, constructive conversation with you about when you need to work on in order to get more playing time.
Okay, so you are ready to speak with your Coach. You need to think about WHAT you are going to say, WHEN you are going to say it and HOW you want it to come across. Here are some tips to help you navigate this conversation:
1. Pick the Right Time: Choose a good time to chat with your coach, maybe after practice or during a break and schedule it in advance if possible. A planned meeting is so much more productive than a spur-of-the-moment blindside. Make sure you pick a time when they're not busy or stressed out. They can help you to select that time and it gives them time to also think about what they want to say.
2. Be Respectful: Remember, teamwork is essential on and off the field. Coaches work hard to make the best decisions for the team. This conversation is about you and no one else. Do not compare yourself to others, just stick to the facts as to what you are doing to prove you deserve an opportunity to play, what you have already done to show you are ready and what you will continue to do to improve. If Coach mentions another player or gives an example using another player during the conversation, be respectful and do not share what was discussed with other players.
3. Get Ready: Think about your strengths and what you bring to the team. Be ready to explain why you think you should play more, but do it in a positive way. If you can give a situation where you would be a good choice to step in, give that example. Mentally prepare so that you are able to have the discussion without stumbling over your words (or crying....please no crying)
4. Ask for Tips: Start by making a statement. An example would be "Coach, I know that playing time has to be earned and I have been thinking a lot about what I can do to show you I have earned it." That sets the stage for the questions that come after it. Follow it up by asking your coach for advice on how you can earn more playing time and what they think you need to improve upon. This shows them you're serious about getting better. Listen to what they say and try to learn from it. Note: you may not like what they have to say, or may disagree with it completely. Keep the conversation moving by avoiding the desire to argue about their opinion. Their perception of your play is their opinion. You can choose to try to change that perception or prove them wrong, but you can't persuade them to change their opinion during this conversation.
5. Share Your Passion: Tell your coach how much you love the game and want to contribute more. Use examples of when you felt you did a great job or helped the team.
6. Talk About Your Skills: Highlight the skills you have that can help the team. Let your coach know what you're good at and how it can make a difference in the game. Give him a specific play or situation in a game and paint the picture. I will help them to remember this conversation when the scenario actually comes up in a game.
7. Ask for a Chance: Politely ask for a chance to show them how much you have improved and let your coach know you're eager to show what you can do. Sometimes, coaches might not realize how much you want to play.
8. Be Open to Suggestions: If your coach gives you tips on what to improve, be open to them. It's a great chance to get better and show you're committed to the team. It may even involve trying a new position. You may even suggest that if you think it will increase your playing time and you are genuinely willing to do whatever it takes to make the team better.
9. Stay Positive: Keep the conversation positive. Avoid complaining and focus on the fun of playing. Coaches like players who stay positive and work hard.
10. Respect the Decision: Remember, coaches make tough decisions. Even if you don't get more playing time right away, keep working hard. Your time will come if you stay positive and show your dedication.
Overcoming adversity and pushing through the hard times is part of your sport. If sports were easy, everyone would do it and the thrill of competition would be all but gone. You are capable of doing hard things! It's all about communication, respect and honesty. Good luck!
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